


Never Was

by Ganger (Aiffe)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-14
Updated: 2009-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:20:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiffe/pseuds/Ganger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A thousand times he's woken up, and left his dreams behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Was

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [iyhedonism](http://iyhedonism.livejournal.com) theme "No." Won first place.

Sometimes he's woken by the bawling of the children he's never sired.  
  
Sometimes he wakes from dreaming (good dreams, too good, he remembers Kagome wrapped tight around him, the fullness of her thighs and the arch of her back) and then he's breathing hard, straining for the orgasm that wakefulness denied him. He glances guiltily at Kagome sleeping next to him, and turning away from her, grasps his cock and tries to make this quick and silent. Even if she does notice, she might say nothing. He's caught her doing the same a few times, and pretended to sleep while the rhythm of her strokes traveled through the floorboards to him and he drowned in the scent of her arousal.  
  
Sometimes it's all the unspoken things between them, the silence that's too loud. He can't sleep with Kagome watching him like that, silent and sad and just a little resentful in their house that's too quiet—no pitter-patter of little feet, no moans of pleasure, no answers to her questions. He rubs his eyes and wishes her good morning, and says nothing about how her robe is sliding off her shoulders just so, her neck begging to be kissed. The silence could swallow them whole.  
  
Sometimes Kagome wakes him with a kiss, as if she knows that her best chance is while he's unconscious. Too tired to fight his own desire, he kisses her back until her hands wander downward, and there he stops her, gently. She asks if it's her, if he doesn't love her, if he isn't attracted to her, if he's angry with her or she's done something wrong, if there's someone else. He tells her “No, no, no,” a litany of denial until he doesn't even know what she's saying, but the answer is _no_.  
  
Sometimes he wakes up alone, the space on the futon next to his cold and untouched, and he doesn't bother getting out of bed. These are the days he spends staring at the ceiling, wondering if it would really be all that bad. But there's a reason hanyou don't breed. Inuyasha owes his looks to his father's powerful youkai blood. His own diluted blood is only barely restrained through the strength of his father's fang. He knows what sort of monster he'd be without it. So when Kagome finally comes back to bed that night at sunset, he meets her eyes and asks: “Would it have a human heart?”  
  
Sometimes he doesn't sleep at all, but watches her toss and turn in the dark. He sees her writhe sometimes, and wonders what she dreams about. He hopes he's there. He hopes the Inuyasha in her dreams can love her the way she deserves to be loved.  
  
Once he wakes up tasting of her, an unusually-satisfied Kagome snuggled up to him, bare beneath the blanket. There goes his final, foolish dream—that he could really resist her completely. She says “Thank you,” and he says “I'm sorry.” It's a compromise.


End file.
